I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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