I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
two words: eviction party
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
