its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you had me at cake vodka
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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