respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
