I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
