I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i now understand why vodka
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
