You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
