Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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