I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
