I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
