Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
