You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
