just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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