i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
