She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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