there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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