He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
