Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
