one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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