just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
