feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
