I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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