I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
