thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
