i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
