She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
