I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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