Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
