Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
