I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
