I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
