I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
