she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize