your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
