I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
