No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
