ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
