im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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