i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
