I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
