Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ugly people sure do ruin things
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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