I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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