I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
