I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
