mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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