Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
