I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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