Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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