jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
