Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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