My brain says no but my pants say off.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was like giving head to a cactus.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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