someone threw a dead crab at me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
