Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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