she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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