well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
