If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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