The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
