he wants to bone in the snuggie
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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