Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
