I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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