I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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