Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
