You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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