I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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