yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
