fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
