considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
