Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
