Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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