i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
