I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
