I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
