maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
