Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
