dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
