I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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