yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
