These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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