and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I forgot how hot balto sounded
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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