even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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