It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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