Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
