Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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