12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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