It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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