do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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