i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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