i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
