So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
