party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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