I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
