a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
