So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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