problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
