Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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