I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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