dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
