I'm going to jail i love you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
