That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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