i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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