You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
