I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize