the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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