Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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