1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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