The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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