so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
